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Ikoyi – Where The Rich Are Crying

Ikoyi: WHEN I heard this gist I wanted to laugh. Yes na, why would you rent a house in millions or even buy a house equivalent of Shomolu local government budget only for staff of the facility managers to turn to crazed thieves invading your privacy and stealing you dry.

This seems to be the lot of some people who dare to live there.  Ikoyi like we all know is a bourgeois enclave. By this ikoyi I don’t mean the Dolphin side or the Norman Williams side that share boundaries with my cousins in Obalende.

I mean the Alexander, Ikoyi crescent, Bourdillon, Oyinkan Abayomi Ikoyi. The areas where the very high and mighty live. The area where you must have fingers in some oil wells, government wells or banking Wells to live. That is the ikoyi I am talking about.

It was sometime last year that my sister C had called me. She was at Zone 2 where she had arrested her Facility Managers who had robbed her dry while at work.

They had used Master keys to enter her apartment on Probyn street, disabled the WiFi and as such messed up the CCTV and stole her dry.

With no sign of breaking and entry and with security in the periphery of the building, it was clear that the thieves were insiders.

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As expected, the journey to the Police was an exercise in futility as she was made to even spend almost the same amount that she lost in mobilization with no success.

This continued unabated and you can imagine the trauma of a woman coming back from work only to find out that her privacy have been impugned by strangers. Her undies strewn all over the floor, her perfumes stolen, her chocolates and rare coffee stolen and all.

When she couldn’t stand it again, she moved to a beautiful apartment on Alexander with facility managers – ‘Berkeleyzzzzz’.

She invited us to celebrate with her and I went o. The food was something else and the ambiance of the apartment and it’s environs was to die for. No wonder they charge this much, the place fine too much.

It is a complex with a row of apartments, gym, swimming pool and perfectly located on the highbrow Alexander road and you will think you are in Calabasas in California where them Kardashian and Kanye call home.

Little did she knew that she had walked into a den of thieves hiding under the brand name Facility Managers. Hear her words;

“In my other house they were entering through the roof. They had access to all the bedrooms so keys were not a concern to them. Security men were all in it.

When I go to work they cart out my belongings from the rooms. Access the rest of the home and disable the Wi-Fi, or scramble it, they had all sorts of skilled personnel at their disposal.

They distorted my inverter with which I was powering the Wi-Fi.

In this home, facility managers are able to control the power to your home so they switch off my home in particular and wait for the batteries powering the Wi-Fi to die then they enter using master keys through the kitchen door.

The security must be a part of it they they have carted away huge Ghana must go bags full of my belongings , which cannot be tucked into a pocket, out of my home. Nobody has seen anything and half of the stuff I moved in with are gone from my house and I moved in Oct 04th last year.

I have changed locks 5 times at great cost.

It’s a serviced place. Security are not my staff. They’re facility management staff.

Terrible. Worst thing is that it messes up your head as it doesn’t allow you think. You also worry about how much more they’ve taken.

Last Friday I got into this fight mode as I was looking for a Louis Vuitton travel duffel. I saw it last in December when I was looking to travel with it but changed my mind.

When they enter your home through whatever means, they search the house for your spare keys. Or they make copies of those they find hanging on the doors so subsequently they enter through the doors like a home owner.

I believe all the staff are in on it or management is in denial. They will have to sack those (cheap) staff they’ve worked with for years and possibly replace with more expensive staff or they’re sharing the loot.

Facility management company is owned by owners of the property so you can see.

All my neighbors in this new place have a retinue of staff working for them so there’s always some one home. I’m the only one with an empty house when I go to work.
They have not even bothered to investigate.

Facility management is called Berkeleyzzzzz abi Berklooooo she concluded with pain in her eyes.

I said, should I call their names and in frustration, she said go ahead, I’m tired.

Mbok how will you pay so much for accommodation, pay so much as service charge and now be violated by the same people?

Is it not better she came back to Shomolu where ‘mallam’ is guarding us and were we sleep with our eyes closed instead of giving ur life to pure robbers masquerading as Facility managers?

I have also heard that this is not an isolated case as stories of petty stealing, robbery, rape, kidnap and even murder abound in Ikoyi where the mighty call home.

At this rate, mbok give me my Shomolu oooo


Duke of Shomolu


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